More often than not, the reason we do not write is because of the lies we tell ourselves about writing. My lie that I tell myself is that I don’t have time. This morning I just had an epiphany that this is in fact a lie. I do have time. (We’re in a pandemic.) I think sometimes when you name something as a lie it becomes less true. Maybe. Let’s just throw this at the wall and see if it sticks.
Tell me about the lies you tell yourself that prevent you from writing.
sometimes i (shamefully) don't trust words. that probably sounds like the biggest excuse in the world (it is) but i'm often afraid that the moment i try to tell a story or explain a feeling in the form of an essay with a beginning and end, i'll inevitably lose the nuance that exists in my head. it's like when something big happens in your life and you have to make the rounds telling all of your friends about it – each time the story gets shorter, or more detailed, or more vague, or you exaggerate certain parts, or you get embarrassed and downplay the whole thing. verbalization leads to solidification and our memories are just as volatile as anything else, and that feels sacred and scary to risk. BUT...that is maybe also the solution....our memories are volatile!!! so they will inevitably change on their own with time, and we can trick our own recollections of our experiences into being/meaning something else, whether we write about them or not. so it's all the same really, and you might as well try to write. ok im rambling
For some reason I think that calling myself a writer means I must write everyday. Yes I have been journaling consistently for almost 10 years and I often write poems to process emotions, but they're not the short stories or novels that I want to publish someday. I wish I could set aside time to work on new pieces at the same time every day but I've learned that routines rarely work for me--I'm spontaneous with my creative pursuits. I guess my real dilemma is that I don't have the courage to start a big project. In my head I make it into a whole production that requires tons of energy and time and perfection on the first go and I can't get past that. Oh the eternal struggle...
I also find myself thinking that the topic or idea isn't original enough. Like "who would even care to read that" type of energy. My writing has to be so different from the rest and I have this notion that once I achieve being *different*, that's when I will actually feel good about it, which is CRAZY lmao. I blame my aquarius rising lol. And it's all so unrealistic and phony when I think of the topics that my favorite writers have written about. I love that you said naming it as a lie takes away some of its power. That's such a good way to put it and I'm gonna try to call myself out on the bullshit more
i journal every morning and i songwrite most days. the thing i haven't quite gotten into the practice of doing is screenwriting, despite the joy i get doing it. i've been able to normalise messiness and failure with journaling and songwriting but with screenwriting, i always feel i need a good enough idea and enough inspiration to even tackle it. i guess it's my imposter syndrome, putting off doing anything to protect myself from thinking my work's not up to standard.
Lies: I don't have time. I don't have enough time to get into the mode and stay there awhile. And currently, with a project that has a due date: that it's not going to be as good as people expect it to be.
that i don’t have the time to get in my feelings to write. I always need to listen to a song and just try to pour myself into the paper so it’s not always easy to write and I always tell myself I have more things to get done than get on my feelings and write
“I’m not a good enough writer.” “I don’t have anything to write about.” “I can’t write because I don’t have internet connection and can’t access Google Docs.” “I should be doing something more productive - cleaning, taxes, grocery shopping.”
I tell myself I’ll write after completing every task that takes priority for the day and then the tasks fall into the next day. I then tell myself I’ll write before starting my day and that never happens either 🥴
sometimes i (shamefully) don't trust words. that probably sounds like the biggest excuse in the world (it is) but i'm often afraid that the moment i try to tell a story or explain a feeling in the form of an essay with a beginning and end, i'll inevitably lose the nuance that exists in my head. it's like when something big happens in your life and you have to make the rounds telling all of your friends about it – each time the story gets shorter, or more detailed, or more vague, or you exaggerate certain parts, or you get embarrassed and downplay the whole thing. verbalization leads to solidification and our memories are just as volatile as anything else, and that feels sacred and scary to risk. BUT...that is maybe also the solution....our memories are volatile!!! so they will inevitably change on their own with time, and we can trick our own recollections of our experiences into being/meaning something else, whether we write about them or not. so it's all the same really, and you might as well try to write. ok im rambling
"I have to write everyday"
For some reason I think that calling myself a writer means I must write everyday. Yes I have been journaling consistently for almost 10 years and I often write poems to process emotions, but they're not the short stories or novels that I want to publish someday. I wish I could set aside time to work on new pieces at the same time every day but I've learned that routines rarely work for me--I'm spontaneous with my creative pursuits. I guess my real dilemma is that I don't have the courage to start a big project. In my head I make it into a whole production that requires tons of energy and time and perfection on the first go and I can't get past that. Oh the eternal struggle...
I also find myself thinking that the topic or idea isn't original enough. Like "who would even care to read that" type of energy. My writing has to be so different from the rest and I have this notion that once I achieve being *different*, that's when I will actually feel good about it, which is CRAZY lmao. I blame my aquarius rising lol. And it's all so unrealistic and phony when I think of the topics that my favorite writers have written about. I love that you said naming it as a lie takes away some of its power. That's such a good way to put it and I'm gonna try to call myself out on the bullshit more
"i don't have a good enough idea."
i journal every morning and i songwrite most days. the thing i haven't quite gotten into the practice of doing is screenwriting, despite the joy i get doing it. i've been able to normalise messiness and failure with journaling and songwriting but with screenwriting, i always feel i need a good enough idea and enough inspiration to even tackle it. i guess it's my imposter syndrome, putting off doing anything to protect myself from thinking my work's not up to standard.
or that I don’t know how to write or describe what I want to say.
Mine is the exact same, that "I don't have time," when time is not mine to have, it is there regardless, but it is up to me what I do with it.
Lies: I don't have time. I don't have enough time to get into the mode and stay there awhile. And currently, with a project that has a due date: that it's not going to be as good as people expect it to be.
that i don’t have the time to get in my feelings to write. I always need to listen to a song and just try to pour myself into the paper so it’s not always easy to write and I always tell myself I have more things to get done than get on my feelings and write
“I’m not a good enough writer.” “I don’t have anything to write about.” “I can’t write because I don’t have internet connection and can’t access Google Docs.” “I should be doing something more productive - cleaning, taxes, grocery shopping.”
I tell myself I’ll write after completing every task that takes priority for the day and then the tasks fall into the next day. I then tell myself I’ll write before starting my day and that never happens either 🥴