When I was a kid I wrote a lot. I wrote with pencil in spiral-bound notebooks or when nothing else was available, loose printer paper. I made up stories that were so far from my reality as a little Black girl who wore a uniform everyday and attended a Lutheran elementary school in Southern California. Most of the characters in my stories were white. They usually had magical powers and lived in kingdoms that I created simply with my mind.
I am currently struggling with this as well. I just launched my own sub stack a few weeks ago and I’m already feeling this pressure from sharing when before I was just writing for myself. I get lost in the numbers and the statistics and shares their lack of shares realistically.  I don’t know if I’ll get back to you riding with a pencil and paper but I’m gonna really think about how to bring it back to me. 
Finally somebody said it. Write for a potential audience they say. But thinking of a potential audience always diluted the quality of my writing. It made me feel judged. On the other hand when we write from the heart maybe we will always have takers. None of us are unique snowflakes so we all go through the same emotions at any rate.
Btw as an aside I used to write a lot about white characters too when I was a kid. And I don't live in a white country, I live in a brown country! Too much Enid Blyton maybe?
I didn't write at all as a kid. It was such a struggle and enjoyment had no part in it at all. It took me a long time to get there, but I love it now. I'm working on a book I'm probably going to self-publish, but things changed when play turned into a project. I started thinking about what people would think, what I had to do to persuade the readers, including the scary editors. Still, having readers has been a part of my dream, so I hope I won't feel too much shame.
I thought it was just an aging old-fashioned man like me that used notebooks these days. They are great for recording ideas anywhere. You're right! Ideas just seem to come out of nowhere when I have a pen in my hand. Thank you for this letter. It was a great read.
I really appreciate everything here. I have come to see writing as thinking, or as a thought process in itself, something that you've touched on a bit. I also relate to feeling self-conscious about the reader, but perhaps this is just inevitable, and if the writer can learn to draw on it then it will make them write with empathy and ultimately turn them into a more powerful writer. Whatever the case, I really enjoy what you're writing, so thank you!
When I was a kid, I wrote for my own pleasure too. As I grew older and into my adulthood, my mind was rope into the capitalist mindset where everything I do need to be monetise. Same as you, I wish to relearn on how to write for fun.
Gah yes, I love being surprised by my own genius then only ever sharing a small percentage of it. Its like they live in a secret sweet home just for me.
Gahh this is so good Celeste! The struggle between wanting to simply enjoy writing and wanting to share it with the world in a way which will validate is quite real. Thanks for sharing some of your brilliant words with us.
I used to write so much as a kid. Even though what I produced is cringe-worthy at best, I still remember feeling free and like I wrote the best stories ever (even though all of them were incomplete. Lol). Now, I struggle with perfectionism daily, but I'm hoping to get back to a place where I can let it all out on the page, no matter how poorly written it is or who might see it. To simply feel free again.
I am new to Substack and seeing how people write differently here, it’s refreshing. I loved this article. I wrote a lot in journals, and as I read back over them sometimes, I realise just how much I repeat myself. I seem to say the same things in different ways. Mine are not stories, they are my real feelings about a particular relationship and my work life... the intention is to carry that same love of writing into the world and write about things that I love and other people do as well!
I actually got a lot out of your article here. I write "for fun" but my writing is about work lol, so can I really say I am writing things that are fun or that I have fun doing. I think what I find most enjoyable is that I learn to understand the world around me better and I get to do it in a way that I enjoy. Now I just wish I could get more experienced at writing in story form.
I am currently struggling with this as well. I just launched my own sub stack a few weeks ago and I’m already feeling this pressure from sharing when before I was just writing for myself. I get lost in the numbers and the statistics and shares their lack of shares realistically.  I don’t know if I’ll get back to you riding with a pencil and paper but I’m gonna really think about how to bring it back to me. 
Finally somebody said it. Write for a potential audience they say. But thinking of a potential audience always diluted the quality of my writing. It made me feel judged. On the other hand when we write from the heart maybe we will always have takers. None of us are unique snowflakes so we all go through the same emotions at any rate.
Btw as an aside I used to write a lot about white characters too when I was a kid. And I don't live in a white country, I live in a brown country! Too much Enid Blyton maybe?
I didn't write at all as a kid. It was such a struggle and enjoyment had no part in it at all. It took me a long time to get there, but I love it now. I'm working on a book I'm probably going to self-publish, but things changed when play turned into a project. I started thinking about what people would think, what I had to do to persuade the readers, including the scary editors. Still, having readers has been a part of my dream, so I hope I won't feel too much shame.
I thought it was just an aging old-fashioned man like me that used notebooks these days. They are great for recording ideas anywhere. You're right! Ideas just seem to come out of nowhere when I have a pen in my hand. Thank you for this letter. It was a great read.
I really appreciate everything here. I have come to see writing as thinking, or as a thought process in itself, something that you've touched on a bit. I also relate to feeling self-conscious about the reader, but perhaps this is just inevitable, and if the writer can learn to draw on it then it will make them write with empathy and ultimately turn them into a more powerful writer. Whatever the case, I really enjoy what you're writing, so thank you!
When I was a kid, I wrote for my own pleasure too. As I grew older and into my adulthood, my mind was rope into the capitalist mindset where everything I do need to be monetise. Same as you, I wish to relearn on how to write for fun.
Gah yes, I love being surprised by my own genius then only ever sharing a small percentage of it. Its like they live in a secret sweet home just for me.
This was excellent and needed. Thank you ❤️
Gahh this is so good Celeste! The struggle between wanting to simply enjoy writing and wanting to share it with the world in a way which will validate is quite real. Thanks for sharing some of your brilliant words with us.
I used to write so much as a kid. Even though what I produced is cringe-worthy at best, I still remember feeling free and like I wrote the best stories ever (even though all of them were incomplete. Lol). Now, I struggle with perfectionism daily, but I'm hoping to get back to a place where I can let it all out on the page, no matter how poorly written it is or who might see it. To simply feel free again.
I am new to Substack and seeing how people write differently here, it’s refreshing. I loved this article. I wrote a lot in journals, and as I read back over them sometimes, I realise just how much I repeat myself. I seem to say the same things in different ways. Mine are not stories, they are my real feelings about a particular relationship and my work life... the intention is to carry that same love of writing into the world and write about things that I love and other people do as well!
I actually got a lot out of your article here. I write "for fun" but my writing is about work lol, so can I really say I am writing things that are fun or that I have fun doing. I think what I find most enjoyable is that I learn to understand the world around me better and I get to do it in a way that I enjoy. Now I just wish I could get more experienced at writing in story form.
This is a wonderful article. You have opened a window into a writers soul.