I am currently struggling with this as well. I just launched my own sub stack a few weeks ago and I’m already feeling this pressure from sharing when before I was just writing for myself. I get lost in the numbers and the statistics and shares their lack of shares realistically.  I don’t know if I’ll get back to you riding with a pencil and paper but I’m gonna really think about how to bring it back to me. 
Finally somebody said it. Write for a potential audience they say. But thinking of a potential audience always diluted the quality of my writing. It made me feel judged. On the other hand when we write from the heart maybe we will always have takers. None of us are unique snowflakes so we all go through the same emotions at any rate.
Btw as an aside I used to write a lot about white characters too when I was a kid. And I don't live in a white country, I live in a brown country! Too much Enid Blyton maybe?
Another friend of mine texted me after reading this saying that she also used to write all of her characters as white lol. For me it was Sarah Dessen that probably inspired that.
I remember the first time I wrote. the first time I fell in love with the process. I was a bookworm of epic proportions and this other kid had written a story. he was working on his novel. I read it and I thought it was cool but it also made me realise that I had never thought it was possible before. That I could write a story too. but there was this kid that did it right there in my high school. so one night after the schedule he was writing and I was there and I started writing too. i painted a picture in my mind so clear that I remember it vividly. the words were coming from somewhere and I was excited. because I could *see* it. it was so clear to me. I've been in love ever since. I struggle with it still. all the time. because now that I'm older I seem to have forgotten that it's possible for me to write. Mostly because it seems impossible to get paid to write. The money took over at some point. understandably so; I need money to survive. I can't help pouring out my soul in a few urgent journalling sessions but even those feel catered to an audience these days. I read this and your piece on journalling and journaled the most honestly I have in a very long time. so thank you for that. I think a possible solution to this mess we find ourselves in due to capitalism is to take our power back. To be very protective over our right to create and explore for no actual reason. No intended purpose other than the enjoyment of letting story pour out of you. writing and creating first for yourself. and then afterwards, if you so desire, you can share it with the world. On your terms. If I ever do write for a publishing house my agent will be sick of me. But I'll do whatever I must to protect that joy.
I didn't write at all as a kid. It was such a struggle and enjoyment had no part in it at all. It took me a long time to get there, but I love it now. I'm working on a book I'm probably going to self-publish, but things changed when play turned into a project. I started thinking about what people would think, what I had to do to persuade the readers, including the scary editors. Still, having readers has been a part of my dream, so I hope I won't feel too much shame.
I thought it was just an aging old-fashioned man like me that used notebooks these days. They are great for recording ideas anywhere. You're right! Ideas just seem to come out of nowhere when I have a pen in my hand. Thank you for this letter. It was a great read.
I really appreciate everything here. I have come to see writing as thinking, or as a thought process in itself, something that you've touched on a bit. I also relate to feeling self-conscious about the reader, but perhaps this is just inevitable, and if the writer can learn to draw on it then it will make them write with empathy and ultimately turn them into a more powerful writer. Whatever the case, I really enjoy what you're writing, so thank you!
When I was a kid, I wrote for my own pleasure too. As I grew older and into my adulthood, my mind was rope into the capitalist mindset where everything I do need to be monetise. Same as you, I wish to relearn on how to write for fun.
Gah yes, I love being surprised by my own genius then only ever sharing a small percentage of it. Its like they live in a secret sweet home just for me.
Gahh this is so good Celeste! The struggle between wanting to simply enjoy writing and wanting to share it with the world in a way which will validate is quite real. Thanks for sharing some of your brilliant words with us.
I used to write so much as a kid. Even though what I produced is cringe-worthy at best, I still remember feeling free and like I wrote the best stories ever (even though all of them were incomplete. Lol). Now, I struggle with perfectionism daily, but I'm hoping to get back to a place where I can let it all out on the page, no matter how poorly written it is or who might see it. To simply feel free again.
I am new to Substack and seeing how people write differently here, it’s refreshing. I loved this article. I wrote a lot in journals, and as I read back over them sometimes, I realise just how much I repeat myself. I seem to say the same things in different ways. Mine are not stories, they are my real feelings about a particular relationship and my work life... the intention is to carry that same love of writing into the world and write about things that I love and other people do as well!
I actually got a lot out of your article here. I write "for fun" but my writing is about work lol, so can I really say I am writing things that are fun or that I have fun doing. I think what I find most enjoyable is that I learn to understand the world around me better and I get to do it in a way that I enjoy. Now I just wish I could get more experienced at writing in story form.
I am currently struggling with this as well. I just launched my own sub stack a few weeks ago and I’m already feeling this pressure from sharing when before I was just writing for myself. I get lost in the numbers and the statistics and shares their lack of shares realistically.  I don’t know if I’ll get back to you riding with a pencil and paper but I’m gonna really think about how to bring it back to me. 
Finally somebody said it. Write for a potential audience they say. But thinking of a potential audience always diluted the quality of my writing. It made me feel judged. On the other hand when we write from the heart maybe we will always have takers. None of us are unique snowflakes so we all go through the same emotions at any rate.
Btw as an aside I used to write a lot about white characters too when I was a kid. And I don't live in a white country, I live in a brown country! Too much Enid Blyton maybe?
Another friend of mine texted me after reading this saying that she also used to write all of her characters as white lol. For me it was Sarah Dessen that probably inspired that.
Thanks for reading (-:
omg celeste i loved all of sarah dessen’s books
popular culture..lol
I remember the first time I wrote. the first time I fell in love with the process. I was a bookworm of epic proportions and this other kid had written a story. he was working on his novel. I read it and I thought it was cool but it also made me realise that I had never thought it was possible before. That I could write a story too. but there was this kid that did it right there in my high school. so one night after the schedule he was writing and I was there and I started writing too. i painted a picture in my mind so clear that I remember it vividly. the words were coming from somewhere and I was excited. because I could *see* it. it was so clear to me. I've been in love ever since. I struggle with it still. all the time. because now that I'm older I seem to have forgotten that it's possible for me to write. Mostly because it seems impossible to get paid to write. The money took over at some point. understandably so; I need money to survive. I can't help pouring out my soul in a few urgent journalling sessions but even those feel catered to an audience these days. I read this and your piece on journalling and journaled the most honestly I have in a very long time. so thank you for that. I think a possible solution to this mess we find ourselves in due to capitalism is to take our power back. To be very protective over our right to create and explore for no actual reason. No intended purpose other than the enjoyment of letting story pour out of you. writing and creating first for yourself. and then afterwards, if you so desire, you can share it with the world. On your terms. If I ever do write for a publishing house my agent will be sick of me. But I'll do whatever I must to protect that joy.
I didn't write at all as a kid. It was such a struggle and enjoyment had no part in it at all. It took me a long time to get there, but I love it now. I'm working on a book I'm probably going to self-publish, but things changed when play turned into a project. I started thinking about what people would think, what I had to do to persuade the readers, including the scary editors. Still, having readers has been a part of my dream, so I hope I won't feel too much shame.
I thought it was just an aging old-fashioned man like me that used notebooks these days. They are great for recording ideas anywhere. You're right! Ideas just seem to come out of nowhere when I have a pen in my hand. Thank you for this letter. It was a great read.
Congrats on the book! That’s beyond exciting. I’m hoping to get there someday too.
Thank you! I hope to see you on Amazon someday.
I really appreciate everything here. I have come to see writing as thinking, or as a thought process in itself, something that you've touched on a bit. I also relate to feeling self-conscious about the reader, but perhaps this is just inevitable, and if the writer can learn to draw on it then it will make them write with empathy and ultimately turn them into a more powerful writer. Whatever the case, I really enjoy what you're writing, so thank you!
When I was a kid, I wrote for my own pleasure too. As I grew older and into my adulthood, my mind was rope into the capitalist mindset where everything I do need to be monetise. Same as you, I wish to relearn on how to write for fun.
Gah yes, I love being surprised by my own genius then only ever sharing a small percentage of it. Its like they live in a secret sweet home just for me.
This was excellent and needed. Thank you ❤️
Gahh this is so good Celeste! The struggle between wanting to simply enjoy writing and wanting to share it with the world in a way which will validate is quite real. Thanks for sharing some of your brilliant words with us.
I used to write so much as a kid. Even though what I produced is cringe-worthy at best, I still remember feeling free and like I wrote the best stories ever (even though all of them were incomplete. Lol). Now, I struggle with perfectionism daily, but I'm hoping to get back to a place where I can let it all out on the page, no matter how poorly written it is or who might see it. To simply feel free again.
I am new to Substack and seeing how people write differently here, it’s refreshing. I loved this article. I wrote a lot in journals, and as I read back over them sometimes, I realise just how much I repeat myself. I seem to say the same things in different ways. Mine are not stories, they are my real feelings about a particular relationship and my work life... the intention is to carry that same love of writing into the world and write about things that I love and other people do as well!
I actually got a lot out of your article here. I write "for fun" but my writing is about work lol, so can I really say I am writing things that are fun or that I have fun doing. I think what I find most enjoyable is that I learn to understand the world around me better and I get to do it in a way that I enjoy. Now I just wish I could get more experienced at writing in story form.
This is a wonderful article. You have opened a window into a writers soul.